I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
