there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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