When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
