His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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