I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
