oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
