why didn't you poke me back
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
