i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
