I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
