At least make sure they are 18
Why
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
