My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
