I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
