help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
