I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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