ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
