I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you would pick up someone in the library
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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