Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
