I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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