you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
