When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
