if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
