i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
