What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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