tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
