The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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