piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's official drugs can't kill me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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