So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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