I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
