YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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