God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
