It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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