I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
