i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
