she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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