I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
