i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
