Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
