Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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