Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
