I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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