weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
