it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
