Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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