nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
