i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
