so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
