mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
