Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
