well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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