Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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